Abuse

Abuse can be very difficult subject to talk about whether it is domestic abuse or spousal or any number of conditions. Regardless of whether a person’s behaviour is due to mental illness, abuse is serious.

Abuse can happen to anyone, it doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman, it doesn’t make you weak and it is not your fault … Abuse is wrong. A person going through an Occupational Stress Injury (OSI) can be amongst the reasons for why someone is abused or is the abuser. Not everyone with an OSI will be an abuser nor does that mean they will become the victim of abuse but either way abuse is wrong and actions must be taken to stop it. People who are abused tend to blame themselves for the abuse or feel they can change the conditions. It needs to be clear that abuse is not the victim’s fault, and that victims needs to get away from that situation as soon as they can. In the case of when the OSI such as PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is the cause of abusive behaviours, the person suffering from the OSI needs to take responsibility for his or her actions. And the victims need to take action to get away from those behaviours.

What is domestic violence and abuse?

When people think of domestic abuse, they often focus on domestic violence. But domestic abuse includes any attempt by one person in a marriage or intimate relationship to dominate and control the other. Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” An abuser uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under their thumb.

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone; it does not discriminate. Abuse happens within heterosexual relationships and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more often victimized, men also experience abuse—especially verbal and emotional. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether from a man, woman, teenager, or an older adult. You deserve to feel valued, respected, and safe. (https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm)

It needs to be understood that OSI-CAN is not an agency for abuse victims or abusers, we exist to help in the recovery of people suffering through an OSI such as PTSD. If an OSI such as PTSD is a part of your issues that need to be addressed, then we are here to help you. If you or someone you know is suffering through an abusive relationship, then we can help refer to appropriate agencies for that kind of help … but that help cannot end with our referral. Behaviours have to be addressed just as much as the causes of that behaviour.

And if you are looking to help someone in an abusive relationship … (https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm )o’s and Don’ts

D

Don’t:

Ask if something is wrong

Wait for the person to come to you

Express your concern

Blame or judge them

Listen and validate

Pressure them to act

Offer to help

Give advice

Support their decisions

Place conditions on your support

We at OSI-CAN do not see PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a Disorder, we see it as an Injury you can recover from. If you are suffering from the symptoms of an Occupational or Operational Stress Injury, then a PTSD or PTSI diagnosis is not required to get our help.

Resources:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/anger-management.htm

ABUSE

o HELP FOR MEN

§ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-abused-men.htm

o HELP FOR WOMEN

§ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-abused-and-battered-women.htm

o DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

§ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm

· LOVING AN ANGRY PERSON

http://lynnenamka.com/anger-management/anger-management-articles/love-angry-person/

Our mission is to inspire hope and contribute to the continuous well-being and recovery process of Veterans and Front Line Protectors across Canada.

We seek to empower and encourage them to strive for recovery through peer and professional support while creating greater public awareness.

We at OSI-CAN do not see PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a Disorder, we see it as an Injury you can recover from. If you are suffering from the symptoms of an Occupational or Operational Stress Injury, then a PTSD or PTSI diagnosis is not required to get our help

The target demographic of OSI-CAN are but are not limited to: former and serving members of the Canadian Armed Forces, Allied Armed Forces, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and Frontline Protectors --- which include Municipal Police Services, CN Police Services, Emergency Medical Services, Fire Protection Services, Wildland Firefighters, Hospital Trauma personnel, Nurses, healthcare Workers, Social Workers, Animal Control Officers, Coroners, Indigenous Emergency Management, Victim Services Personnel, Emergency Communications Specialist, Corrections Officers, “Volunteer” First Responders, Conservation Officers, Aboriginal Emergency Services personnel, Tow Truck drivers who clean up accident scenes and their spouses/partners. This demographic was chosen due to the commonality of experiences they share through the service they provide to the country and community. We have a special interest and support volunteer first responders as they are not eligible for programs such as Workers' Compensation.

OSI and Resilience – Is this what hope feels like?

According to the Mayo Clinic, Resilience means being able to adapt to life's misfortunes and setbacks. ... If you lack resilience, you might dwell on problems, feel victimized, become overwhelmed or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse. The American Psychological Association or APA describes what resilience isn’t:

“Being resilient doesn’t mean that a person won’t experience difficulty or distress. People who have suffered major adversity or trauma in their lives commonly experience emotional pain and stress. In fact, the road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional distress.

While certain factors might make some individuals more resilient than others, resilience isn’t necessarily a personality trait that only some people possess. On the contrary, resilience involves behaviors, thoughts, and actions that anyone can learn and develop. The ability to learn resilience is one reason research has shown that resilience is ordinary, not extraordinary. One example is the response of many Americans to the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks and individuals’ efforts to rebuild their lives after tragedy.

Like building a muscle, increasing your resilience takes time and intentionality. Focusing on four core components—connection, wellness, healthy thinking, and meaning—can empower you to withstand and learn from difficult and traumatic experiences. To increase your capacity for resilience to weather—and grow from—the difficulties, use these strategies.”

In fact, there is a term called ‘Post Traumatic Growth’ where people who have suffered from great trauma have actually grown from that experience and became strong proponents of health and even wisdom regarding mental and even physical health. According to Pacesconnection.com, there are four factors to developing Post-Traumatic growth, and these are factors that everyone should be able to understand:

· Brutally Honest Optimism - Optimism reduces our sense of helplessness when things feel out of control. It also allows motivates us to take constructive action. However, this is not the Pollyanna, unicorns and rainbows, “everything’s going to be okay” brand of optimism (although we often need to hear that everything’s going to be okay even if we don’t really believe it).

· Perception of Control Over Events - No one likes being stuck in limbo. If there’s something you can do, even if it’s to channel your anxiety by cleaning the kitchen floor or to offer a tissue to someone in distress, we all feel better when we can take action. What makes an experience traumatic is that we were not able to control the circumstances that led to us being harmed in some way. Recovery is about regaining control.

1. Primary control is taking action to change a situation, for example by reporting a sexual assault.

2. Secondary control is changing your orientation to a situation. For many people, this can be finding meaning and purpose in the aftermath of trauma, such as by using their experiences to help others.

One of the most glorious aspects of post-traumatic growth is learning how to become empowered. Once you’ve decided that you will advocate for yourself and take steps to keep yourself safe, you no longer identify as a victim but as a survivor who is strong and in control of his/her life

· Coping Style - What is your coping style? Do you immediately start problem solving and planning (active coping) or do you head out to the movies to escape into a fantasy world (avoidance coping)? Both approaches can be helpful, but avoidance is only good for giving yourself a break short-term – long term it turns into denial, which takes a toll on your body and prevents you from ever truly living in the present because you are so busy stuffing down your past. The type of coping style that is the best predictor of post-traumatic growth is ‘acceptance and positive reinterpretation.’ This is characterized by optimism and humor. ‘Keep calm and carry on’ does not speak to me of my British compatriots’ stoicism during World War II but of the ability to crack jokes even as the sirens are wailing. For Correctional Officers, this is often shown in the dark humour found when CO’s are amongst each other!

· Strong Sense of Self - Having a strong sense of self depends on having a purpose in life, high self-esteem, and being able to create a coherent narrative. Without being able to make sense of our story, we cannot integrate it, learn from it, or get a distance from it. As Daniel Siegel points out, a coherent narrative prevents us from unconsciously repeating the lack of connection we experienced with our parents in our relationship with our own children.

A strong sense of self is also predicated on ‘ego strength.’ What is that and how do you get it? I think Erik Erikson provided the best answer in his description of the stages of human development. I will leave you with his theory, which reads to me like a poem about how to raise healthy children:

Hope emerges from trust versus mistrust Will from autonomy versus shame and doubt Purpose from initiative versus guilt Competence from industry versus inferiority Loyalty from identity versus identity confusion Love from intimacy versus isolation Care from generativity [contribution] versus stagnation Wisdom from integrity versus despair

Trust Vs Mistrust is a developmental stage where experiences determine a child’s development, if the care the infant receives is consistent, predictable and reliable, they will develop a sense of trust which will carry with them to other relationships, and they will be able to feel secure even when threatened. In adults, once we lose that consistency and reliability in our lives, Hope becomes a difficult thing to see until we regain a future we can envision as hopeful again. Once again bringing in a perception of control over events.

We at OSI-CAN do not see PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a Disorder, we see it as an Injury you can recover from. If you are suffering from the symptoms of an Occupational or Operational Stress Injury, then a PTSD or PTSI diagnosis is not required to get our help!

Our mission is to inspire hope and contribute to the continuous well-being and recovery process of Veterans and Front Line Protectors across Canada.

We seek to empower and encourage them to strive for recovery through peer and professional support while creating greater public awareness.

We at OSI-CAN do not see PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a Disorder, we see it as an Injury you can recover from. If you are suffering from the symptoms of an Occupational or Operational Stress Injury, then a PTSD or PTSI diagnosis is not required to get our help

The target demographic of OSI-CAN are but are not limited to: former and serving members of the Canadian Armed Forces, Allied Armed Forces, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and Frontline Protectors --- which include Municipal Police Services, CN Police Services, Emergency Medical Services, Fire Protection Services, Wildland Firefighters, Hospital Trauma personnel, Nurses, healthcare Workers, Social Workers, Animal Control Officers, Coroners, Indigenous Emergency Management, Victim Services Personnel, Emergency Communications Specialist, Corrections Officers, “Volunteer” First Responders, Conservation Officers, Aboriginal Emergency Services personnel, Tow Truck drivers who clean up accident scenes and their spouses/partners. This demographic was chosen due to the commonality of experiences they share through the service they provide to the country and community. We have a special interest and support volunteer first responders as they are not eligible for programs such as Workers' Compensation.

How can I help someone with an OSI?

At OSI-CAN we frequently get calls from parents or other family members asking how they can help their spouse or son or daughter or close friend who is suffering from an OSI. It is difficult to help someone who may not yet be ready to accept help. When someone you care about suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, it can be overwhelming. But with these steps, you can help your loved one move on with their life. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/helping-someone-with-ptsd.htm

1. Helping someone with PTSD tip 1: Provide social support

a. Don’t pressure your loved one into talking.

b. Do “normal” things with your loved one

c. Let your loved one take the lead

d. Manage your own stress.

e. Be patient.

f. Educate yourself about PTSD.

g. Accept (and expect) mixed feelings.

2. Tip 2: Be a good listener

a. A person with PTSD may need to talk about the traumatic event over and over again.

b. Some of the things your loved one tells you might be very hard to listen to.

c. Communication pitfalls to avoid

i. Don’t…

1. Give easy answers or blithely tell your loved one everything is going to be okay.

2. Stop your loved one from talking about their feelings or fears.

3. Offer unsolicited advice or tell your loved one what they “should” do.

4. Blame all of your relationship or family problems on your loved one’s PTSD.

5. Invalidate, minimize, or deny your loved one’s traumatic experience

6. Give ultimatums or make threats or demands.

7. Make your loved one feel weak because they aren’t coping as well as others.

8. Tell your loved one they were lucky it wasn’t worse.

9. Take over with your own personal experiences or feelings.

3. Tip 3: Rebuild trust and safety

a. Express your commitment to the relationship.

b. Create routines.

c. Minimize stress at home

d. Speak of the future and make plans.

e. Keep your promises

f. Speak of the future and make plans

g. Keep your promises.

h. Emphasize your loved one’s strengths.

i. Look for ways to empower your loved one.

4. Tip 4: Anticipate and manage triggers

a. Common external PTSD triggers

i. Sights, sounds, or smells associated with the trauma.

ii. People, locations, or things that recall the trauma.

iii. Significant dates or times, such as anniversaries or a specific time of day.

iv. Nature (certain types of weather, seasons, etc.).

v. Conversations or media coverage about trauma or negative news events.

vi. Situations that feel confining (stuck in traffic, at the doctor’s office, in a crowd).

vii. Relationship, family, school, work, or money pressures or arguments.

viii. Funerals, hospitals, or medical treatment.

b. Common internal PTSD triggers

i. Physical discomfort, such as hunger, thirst, fatigue, sickness, and sexual frustration.

ii. Any bodily sensation that recalls the trauma, including pain, old wounds and scars, or a similar injury.

iii. Strong emotions, especially feeling helpless, out of control, or trapped.

iv. Feelings toward family members, including mixed feelings of love, vulnerability, and resentment.

5. Tip 5: Deal with volatility and anger

a. Decide with your loved one how you should respond when they have a nightmare, flashback, or panic attack. Having a plan in place will make the situation less scary for both of you.

i. You’ll also be in a much better position to help your loved one calm down.

b. Watch for signs that your loved one is angry.

c. Try to remain calm.

d. Give the person space.

e. Ask how you can help.

f. Put safety first, both for yourself and for your loved one.

g. Help your loved one manage their anger.

6. Tip 6: Support treatment

a. Emphasize the benefits.

b. Focus on specific problems.

c. Acknowledge the hassles and limitations of therapy.

d. Enlist help from people your loved one respects and trusts.

e. Encourage your loved one to join a support group.

7. Tip 7: Take care of yourself

a. Take care of your physical needs

b. Cultivate your own support system.

c. Make time for your own life.

d. Spread the responsibility.

e. Set boundaries.

We at OSI-CAN do not see PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a Disorder, we see it as an Injury you can recover from. If you are suffering from the symptoms of an Operational Stress Injury, then a PTSD or PTSI diagnosis is not required to get our help!

Our mission is to inspire hope and contribute to the continuous well-being and recovery process of Veterans and Front Line Protectors across Canada.

We seek to empower and encourage them to strive for recovery through peer and professional support while creating greater public awareness.

The target demographic of OSI-CAN are but are not limited to: former and serving members of the Canadian Armed Forces, Allied Armed Forces, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and Frontline Protectors --- which include Municipal Police Services, CN Police Services, Emergency Medical Services, Fire Protection Services, Wildland Firefighters, Hospital Trauma personnel, Nurses, healthcare Workers, Social Workers, Animal Control Officers, Coroners, Indigenous Emergency Management, Victim Services Personnel, Emergency Communications Specialist, Corrections Officers, “Volunteer” First Responders, Conservation Officers, Aboriginal Emergency Services personnel, Tow Truck drivers who clean up accident scenes and their spouses/partners. This demographic was chosen due to the commonality of experiences they share through the service they provide to the country and community. We have a special interest and support volunteer first responders as they are not eligible for programs such as Workers' Compensation.